The Rose of the Malfoys
by LynstHolin
Summary: OH NO, THE DREADED MALFOY TWIN! Written for a Potter Sue themed crack contest on dA.


For my entry in my Mary Sue crack contest on deviantART, I chose one of the most heinous Potter Sues out there-Draco's twin sister. Then I tried to come up with a way to make her seem like an actual character, not an author's stand-in. I couldn't resist injecting an agent of chaos into the Malfoy family XD

...

Molly Weasley dug a handful of Knuts out of her purse and dumped them into Ron's hands. "Your father and I are going to have drinks with Hermione's parents. You four go have some ice cream."

Ron, Harry, Ginny and Hermione wandered toward Fortescue's. They were almost there when Ron stopped short and swore. "Language, Ron!" Hermione admonished. She saw what he saw. "Oh."

Lucius and Draco Malfoy stood in the middle of Diagon Alley. Lucius was scanning the crowd and frowning. Draco was too busy whining about getting a new broom to notice that his ice cream was melting and running down his arm. "Where on earth have they gotten to," Lucius muttered, ignoring his son.

After the contretemps that had just occured in Flourish and Blotts, none of the four children were too eager to run into the Malfoys again. Ron pointed to a row of bushes. From this vantage point, they could keep an eye on the Malfoys without being seen.

A dishevelled vision in scarlet came running toward the Malfoys. It was a girl with long, tangled hair, torn stockings and a dirty face. "Yumi yumi yumi!" she called. Two gigantic, multi-colored lollipops floated along behind her.

Lucius snagged an arm as she tried to pass him. "_Rosalba Malfoy_. If you cannot conduct yourself like a proper young woman, you will not be allowed to be seen in public." He took out his wand and started repairing the damage, starting with the tear in the hem of her dress. "You do want to go to school with your brother, don't you? You can't go if you persist in acting like an animal."

Rosalba squirmed and whined in her father's grasp, her gaze fastened on Draco. The Malfoy stamp was clear on her face: gray eyes and a pointed chin. She may as well have been Draco in drag.

"Where is your mother, anyway?"

"Shop."

"Which shop would that be?"

"Boring."

"A little more information, please."

"Sparklies."

"Using a complete sentence, could you please tell me what your mother is shopping for?"

"Mother told Gregory's mother that since you have a new tart, she gets a new diamond."

Two elderly women walking past tittered as Lucius turned bright pink. "A tart?" Draco asked, "Is it apple? I like apple tarts."

By this time, the damage was repaired. Rosalba's face was clean, her hair hung in perfect ringlets, and her rose-patterned stockings were pristine. "Look at what she's wearing," Ginny whispered as she covetously eyed the red princess-cut dress with matching fur-trimmed capelet and the lace-up boots with kitten heels.

Lucius released Rosalba's arm and grabbed the two lollipops out of the air. "You know you're not supposed to be using magic," he scolded.

The girl grabbed the lollies out of her father's hand with an impatient grunt. She trotted over to Draco and held one out to him. He threw the rest of his ice cream on the ground and took the lollie, which was bigger around than his head. The colors spun and sparkled when he licked it. "Yumi mikek kiki," Rosalba told her brother. Draco replied in the same language.

"What are they saying? Is that Japanese or something?" Harry asked.

"I think they're speaking Twin," Ron said. "Fred and George used to have their own language, but they used it so much for mischief, Mom put a hex on them. Anytime they try to speak it, their mouths seal up for an hour. It's pretty funny. Their lips disappear and everything."

"But why wasn't she in school, then, if she's our age?" Hermione asked.

Ron shrugged. "Lots of Pure Blood families have members that are a bit funny. Mom says it's too much inbreeding. She told me I'm only allowed to marry a half-blood or a Muggle-born."

"Rosalba, did you go to the Magical Menagerie like you were supposed to?" Lucius asked, frowning. The girl nodded. "Then how did you still have enough to buy candy?" Rosalba pulled a sleek, white half-grown kitten with blue eyes out of her capelet.

"They're probably going to eat it for dinner," Ron said. Ginny's eyes got huge and she let out a horrified whimper. "Just kidding, just kidding!"

Lucius took the kitten and held it up so he could look at it eye-to-eye. "Was this kitten less expensive than the others?" Rosalba nodded. "Did it not occur to you to wonder why it was cheaper? It's deaf. See?" lucius snapped his fingers right by the kitten's ears, and it didn't react. "Most blue-eyed white cats are. We're going to take it back and get you a better kitten."

Rosalba's eyes immediately filled with tears.

"Please, Rosalba, not here, not now," Lucius said, "I already have a headache coming on."

Rosalba's mouth began to open wide. A whine started. As it got louder, heads turned.

"Oh for the love of-keep it, then!" He thrust the creature back into his daughter's hand.

Seeing an opening, Draco said, "Are you going to get me a Nimbus 2001 today?"

Rubbing his forehead, Lucius muttered, "A long holiday in St. Mungo's. That's what I need."

"Pleeeeeeease? And an apple tart."

"I'll buy the entire Slytherin Quidditch team Nimbus 2001s if you will both just be quiet for one minute," Lucius snapped. And they were. For precisely one minute. "_Where is your mother_," Lucius moaned as the begging began again. "Oh, thank Merlin, there she is. Come on."

Rosalba took her father's hand (Lucius grimacing at its stickiness) and her brother's hand. As the Malfoys walked away, her lollipop bobbed along behind her jauntily.


End file.
